Dear Ask an Agnostic,
I love my boyfriend, and he tells me everyday that he loves me. We've been an item for over five years now, but he always shies away from conversations about marriage or engagement. I want to be with him forever, so I can't help wondering why he hasn't proposed. We almost never fight, and when we do we make up quickly. Still, my left hand is aching for a ring! I admit I've gained some weight over the last two years, and I don't always see eye to eye with his friends. Could he be expressing dissatisfaction with me or our relationship by not proposing? And how long should I wait before I press him for an answer?
Sincerely,
Miss Antsy in Atlanta
Dear M.A.i.A.,
How the hell should I know?
Your pal,
An Agnostic
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When you live in the Midwest and announce openly that you're agnostic, it's kind of like coming out: you tell a few friends, see how they handle it, then tell your family, and finally, announce it to the world. Some will be so opposed to your agnosticism that they'll never feel comfortable talking to you again. (Yes, that happened to me, more than once.) Others will shrug. Then there are those folks who see you as their token agnostic friend. It's kind of like being the only black kid in civics class. ("So Harold, what do African-Americans think about immigration reform?") In college, Bryan was my "gay friend." He was the only gay person I knew well at the time, so he suddenly represented and spoke for 10-20% of the population. Was that logical? No, but it's how things were in early 1990s small-town Oklahoma. We didn't have a better option.
So when any news story related in any way to atheism (or, for that matter, fundamentalism) arises, it's understandable that my friends and Facebook acquaintances inquire how I feel about the story. I've asked for that. I've written extensively about doctrinal matters here and elsewhere, and I am, as noted above, the "agnostic friend." So I'd like to use this hour of unexpected free time to catch up on a few of those stories.
The thing is, there's a reason why you've never seen an "Ask an Agnostic!" column in any newspaper--the answer to every question would be "I don't know." In the absence of hard data, I couldn't say whether there's a God or not. I simply have no idea. You don't, either, so you picked the option that sounded best to you. I consider myself a Christian from an ethical standpoint, but it's obvious to me that the Bible contains no supernatural knowledge of God. (Compare this story [1], coincidentally posted on CNN.com earlier today.)
I disbelieve in Yahweh, the Hebrew tribal war deity. Period. Having said that, I do not identify as an atheist, and I'm not just saying that to worm out of criticism. I'm sticking with what I can prove. I understand the compulsion to explain nature in purely naturalistic terms, but there's no more proof of the nonexistence of a First Cause than there is of Its existence. I consider the unqualified statement "there is no God" an expression of faith, and I reject the notion that acceptance without evidence is an automatic virtue, for atheists or theists. Faith is not always good. We have to take certain things on faith to get through the day, sure, but no matter what your authority figures may tell you, the presence or absence of God isn't one of those things. Life goes on even if you admit you're unsure.
So: the news stories. First, this one [2], in which evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins (author of The Selfish Gene, a classic) recommends making fun of theistic beliefs and believers. Now, I've read Dawkins extensively, and I've written about him before [3]. The truth is, I prefer a "catch more flies with honey" approach to that of Dr. "Darwin's Rottweiler" Dawkins. But given the fact that he receives regular death threats from so-called Christians, I can understand why he might be a bit peevish about excessive religiosity after all these years.
(For an amusing insight into mail call at the Dawkins house, check out the following NSFW video:
So yeah, he's tired of meeting misspelled, vitriolic abuse with nonstop pleasantry. Wouldn't you be?)
I try very hard not to make fun of true believers, though I admit I've had a less than perfect record in that attempt. All I ask is that religious folks meet me halfway. See, I understand that as a member of civilized society, I have a responsibility to treat other people with kindness and compassion. I know life is rough, and I shouldn't begrudge anyone the comforts he or she needs to survive from day to day without going postal. On the other hand, we all have a responsibility as adults to make sure our beliefs arrive at some sort of logical sense. It's fun to believe in Santa Claus, sure--but at a certain point, society expects you to grow up, and it won't consider you a grown-up until you come to grips with the fact that an obese, anachronistically-outfitted elf cannot possibly squeeze down and up every chimney in the world in a single night. You can't sit around on Christmas Eve waiting for jolly Saint Nick to bring presents for your kids. There's no excuse for that. Eventually, a reasonable worldview must trump whatever kiddie story makes you the happiest. It sucks, Gentle Reader, but there it is.
For that reason, if you honestly believe one of the two creation stories in the first three chapters of Genesis, by which I mean you accept wholesale a fable that claims we derive from a hippie nudist couple in a garden with magic fruit trees and an evil talking lizard, then you can't be surprised when people like Dawkins treat you as childish. You just can't. That's how growing up works. Cultural taboos notwithstanding, other grown-ups don't have to be perpetual sweethearts about every ridiculous thing you insist on believing. When Mormons believe their loony golden tablet story or don special underwear, guess what, we're allowed to make fun of them. Same goes for Scientologists and their space opera theology. Making fun of guys like Pat Robertson doesn't make you a bad person--or a bad Christian. By the same token, while I agree ad hominem attacks are beneath me, I see no reason to go out of my way to avoid mocking fundamentalist doctrines. It's okay for sane adults to roll their eyes at self-evident nonsense.
Finally, there's this story [4], which says four out of ten Americans now believe (or rather, tell Gallup they believe) the Genesis story all the way. That number has fallen over the last few years, which is good. It means people feel comfortable actually thinking about the things they say they believe, which is the adult thing to do.
The Gallup poll includes a middle-ground opinion that yes, evolution occurs, but its effects are driven by God in fulfillment of His will. In my view, that notion is utterly valid, and I defy any evolutionist to disprove it. See, I don't think it's unreasonable to look at our world and decide, "There's no way this came about by pure accident." I just ask people to please try not to use that as an excuse to absolve themselves from further rational thinking.