Carv's Thinky Blog I'm an author with a focus on satirical science fiction.

The Play’s the Thing

Much to my surprise, the Fifty Shades diatribe below took off like a rocket over the weekend. I suspect Davee Jones's efforts on Twitter had rather a lot to do with that, but whatever the explanation, I appreciate it. The entry became one of my most widely shared and, apparently, enjoyed pieces yet. I was so delighted with the response that I've avoided updating this site, for fear of burying its hottest item! That I'm doing so today should put this entry into greater perspective.

After decades of hardcore theatre life, I still consider Hamlet the richest example of dramatic writing ever achieved in English or, quite possibly, any other language. (The book of Job is right up there.) I was honored to direct a bare bones incarnation of it a few years ago, and now director Austen Anderson of Animal Fire Theatre has allowed me to fulfill a lifelong dream by casting me as Claudius, Hamlet's deeply conflicted new stepfather. We open tonight in Priest Point Park in Olympia. The show starts at 7:00 p.m., it runs about 125 minutes with no intermission, and it's absolutely free. You can see it any Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday night for the next three weekends.

There's a restroom nearby, and we're told it'll be open. Bring a lawn chair. Bring Deep Woods Off. Bring a picnic basket full of goodies (no drugs or alcohol, please--at least until cast party night). Some people even bring their dogs, though I really wish you wouldn't. They're distractingly cute.

I know, you know how Hamlet ends. (You do, right?) But do you recall how it gets there? Sure, that "to be or not to be" soliloquy is familiar all over the planet, but do you understand why? Do you know why it's the coolest speech ever?

Do you know how Jay Minton will portray Hamlet's "antic disposition?" Do you know what makes Claudius tick? Will Ophelia be bonkers, or just a bit miffed? How does it change things when Horatio is played by a woman? Does it make William Shakespeare seem like more of a chauvinist d-bag? What's up with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern--and furthermore, who names their kids Rosencrantz or Guildenstern? How often were those guys beat up in grade school?

I usually don't tell anybody I'm in shows unless I think they're good. I'm funny that way. As of last week, this one really took off. You should see it. I promise you, it'd be a steal at two hundred times the price.

...Math humor! That always kills! Take that, "Fifty Shades of Crap!"