Carv's Thinky Blog I'm an author with a focus on satirical science fiction.

The State of the Union, February 2012

I hesitate before posting anything about politics, even more so than about religion or sex. It's not that I don't care about politics; I do, very much. But I have numerous conservative friends and acquaintances, and some of those fine folks (Chris Clark, I'm looking at you) feel obliged to counter every statement I make with the Hannity response. I already know the Hannity response, thank you. I've seen Fox News, too. And it's not that I mind defending my beliefs, but there's little point in arguing with anyone so wedded to his or her lifelong beliefs. If you think George W. Bush was a better president than Barack Obama, then okay, I get it. You're empirically wrong, of course, but if you're absolutely determined not to see that, then I won't be able to change your opinion. What could I possibly offer to convince you that the previous eleven years haven't?

If there's any chance whatsoever of persuading you that we've actually been blessed with a fine president in Mr. Obama, then this article in Rolling Stone makes a pretty good case. Of course, there's that skyrocketing national debt to consider, and we liberals have to admit it's a problem. (We didn't expect our "hope" president's reelection slogan to be "I sure hope we can pay off that debt!") But as I've pointed out a few times before, there's not a reputable economist in the world who doesn't advise massive spending as a path out of serious recession. Paradoxical as it may seem, impending doom is no reason to turn tightwad. Conservatives should also acknowledge that Obama inherited most of his economic woes, including bank and auto industry issues and two needless wars.

As of this writing, the president's approval rating has tipped past the 50% mark. Try as it might, Fox News and its Aussie tycoon owner have failed to convince at least half of us that we're in worse shape now than we were in 2008 or that things aren't getting better. Meanwhile, TARP is on track for total payback with interest, taxes are at a generational low, unemployment is down, and thanks to the Occupy movement, people are beginning to wonder whether their financial difficulties stem more from corporate greed and a ludicrously polarized Congress than from anything Barack Obama has done to hurt them.

I didn't say it's all good. It isn't. But it is a lot better, and all the GOP has offered in the way of competing ideas are the same bad ideas that contributed to our financial free fall in the first place.

Which brings us to the 2012 presidential race: can we be honest and admit it's shaping up to be kind of a blowout?

Look, I'm a big believer in a free intellectual marketplace. I want conservatives to step up their game and offer smart perspectives and brilliant ideas. Party favoritism aside, if any candidate of any stripe knows a better way to do things, then I want to hear it. My libertarian friends think Ron Paul is the man with the plan, but I'm unconvinced. Meanwhile, there are those troubling newsletters to consider, including such homophobic and/or racist statements as "I think we can safely assume that 95 percent of the black males in [Washington, D.C.] are semi-criminal or entirely criminal," which Paul may have penned and certainly proofed and approved. I'd be willing to overlook these remarks if he faced them squarely. If Paul would just say, "Look, I said those things because I was still, you know, kind of an idiot; I've grown as a person since then, and I'm sorry I behaved like an ass 20 years ago," this would likely blow over. But he hasn't, and he won't, so it won't. Like so many politicians these days, his tactic has been as follows: Step 1, deny. Step 2, deny adamantly. Step 3, blame the remarks on a nameless staffer. Step 4, claim they really weren't that bad after all. And finally, Step 5, the dreaded "I misspoke"--as if he meant to say, "I support equal rights for black Americans," but he got tongue-tied and "95 percent criminals" came out instead. Besides, there's no way Fox News will ever rally behind a libertarian. "Free to be you and me? Not on my watch, pally."

There are awesome Republicans out there. We can all agree on that. They just didn't run for president this year, and surely we can agree on that, too?

But that's not what fascinates me about the 2012 election. I refer you to an article that went largely unnoticed. Please take a few moments and read this now.

That article was about one of the earliest primaries, in conservative Iowa (which somehow beat Washington state to the punch on gay marriage--wha?!), but self-declared evangelical voters haven't rallied around anyone since then. If you're an evangelical Christian, your best options are Rick Santorum, a Catholic who wishes we'd all get off birth control, and Mitt Romney, a Mormon who bashes Europe despite being fluent in French thanks to his mission...in France. And let's face it, evangelicals believe Mormonism is a cult. They're less critical of Catholicism, but they still don't place Catholics in the "one of us" category. With nutty Michele Bachmann and rootin'-tootin' Rick Perry gone, there's no Republican candidate simplistic, jingoistic, anti-science, or pro-yelling enough to appeal to the churchiest among us. Serial adulterer Newt Gingrich and his pointless, illegal moon base campaign just won't cut it.

So here's the deal, smart Republicans: You probably aren't going to vote much this year. Am I right? You're probably going to do the sensible thing and avoid the polling booth, then do the polite thing and tell all your friends you voted for Romney or Gingrich or Santorum or whoever your candidate turns out to be--and let's face it, that candidate will be Romney, because Santorum's a throwback and Gingrich can't rely on widespread attacks of amnesia about his dismal behavior in the '90s. So you'll talk a good game and put up a yard sign or two, but come on. Your heart won't be in it. Except for South Carolina, turnout is slipping in Republican primaries. With no one as charming and Protestant as Mike Huckabee in the 2012 race, you'd just rather stay home and watch Fox and Friends bitch about President Obama.

I feel your pain, to be honest. (We progressives had our Dukakis year, too.) Ol' Dubya fouled the waters for years, and the very group you thought would save your bacon, the Tea Party, turned out to be a magnet for hypocritical yahoos with a gift for screaming about America's faults but no practical idea how to fix them. I know some of you look at Barack Obama and feel we elected a, well, how shall I put it, "un-American" type to the White House. I'm not lobbing the rhymes-with-bassist accusation here, but...Obama just doesn't feel like a guy who's qualified to be president to some of you, does he? He kind of feels like a Muslim from Kenya who invaded our highest office, and no Hawaiian birth certificate will ever change your mind about that. Okay, fine. It is what it is, right? But hell, I'd elect a potted plant to the White House if it managed as gracefully under fire as Barack Obama has. He's faced one of the most divided Congresses in history, and he's still managed to steer us onto what has been mostly, and undeniably, a course of improvement. I know people who were certain he'd initiate the Apocalypse. They visualized our president and his street gang of czars (ooh, scary) hosting pickup basketball games for al Qaeda. Not so much. About the most un-American thing about Obama turns out to be his unnervingly MILFy First Lady.

It's a measure of how well Obama turns out to be doing that Rick Santorum's persistent complaint about him is "he thinks he's smarter than the American people." Well, Ricky, you're talking about a guy who went from the 'hood in Chicago to editing the freakin' Harvard Law Review. You, on the other hand, once blamed the Catholic sex abuse scandal on Boston liberals, so...Not to put too fine a point on it, but Barack Obama is smarter than the American people. And that's terrific! No, it is! Our problems are really, really hard to repair, made even harder by the necessity of persuading hundreds of people who want his job to approve and adopt his consistently moderate decisions.

In sports, when a lineup sucks as blatantly as the GOP's current parade of hapless candidates, commentators call it "a rebuilding year." So rebuild, Republican friends. Please take this as constructive criticism. You have good people in your ranks. Let them run next time. Don't dismiss a candidate just because he or she thinks Obama was born in Hawaii or that we may have evolved from creatures who were 98.7% genetically identical to us. Pick a candidate for his or her ability to do math, not based on church affiliation. As for Democrats, the next four years will be pivotal. Either the Obama plan will continue to improve the country in record time and Hilary Clinton will be our next president (put your hand down, Joe Biden; you've got to be joking), or the national debt will have skyrocketed for no good reason and we'll be desperate for better answers from your side of the aisle.

P.S.: Those better ideas aren't "go easier on the suffering superwealthy" or "pray louder and let God sort it out."