Carv's Thinky Blog I'm an author with a focus on satirical science fiction.

TMI!

If there's an expression that crawls under my skin faster than "Too Much Information!" I find myself at a loss to recall it. I'd rather be called a racial slur any day of the week than have "TMI!" thrown in my face. Just when the conversation gets interesting, some insensitive dimwit has to pipe up with "TMI!" and ruin our entertainment. Generally, he or she waits until the exact microsecond I start paying keen attention to what's being said. If Katie wants to tell us about her triple nipple, that's her business. Who is this a-hole to laugh at her candor?

We need a word for jokes that aren't even jokes anymore. You know what I mean. I'm thinking of non-quips like "Hot enough for ya?" or "Halloween Sale prices so low they're scary!" or "Dunlap's Disease" or "senior moment" or "pi aren't square, cornbread are square." Somebody said "TMI!" once at the water cooler (they do still have water coolers, right? I work from home), people asked what it meant, the abbreviater answered, and Gladys--oh, you know, that muffin-topped lady from the cubicle with all the cat pictures--well, she just laughed for an hour and happily emailed everyone in her contact list about it. Then it became a meme, and now we're all stuck with it. Hell. It was barely funny the first time, so why do people bother to smile at it now? I guess they're just being polite. Well, phooey on that.

Man, it's tough for people to be themselves. It takes courage for them to reveal their vulnerable, personal natures. If you were to take advantage of this rare honesty and listen, really listen, you might hear something poignantly revealing about the human condition. You might see we share a common thread of bittersweet nobility. Heck, you might even find yourself moved to share your own secret self. But no, Jerry, you nimrod from Accounts Payable, you had to screw it up for everybody. You had to stifle the brightest moment of shared humanity we've seen in weeks because you were happier talking about the Seahawks. "TMI!" Thanks a googolplex, Jerry. You're a jerk.

We hate you, Jerry. That's what I'm trying to say. Seriously. No one asked you to butt into this conversation anyway.

Y'know who else should get hit by a school bus and die under the wheels? Bloggers who overreact, that's who. I flippin' hate those guys.