Carv's Thinky Blog I'm an author with a focus on satirical science fiction.

As a Matter of Fact

Barack Obama is the worst president in American history.

Barack Obama wants the terrorists to win.

Barack Obama is a socialist.

Those first two statements, and to some degree the third, are matters of opinion. We can have a debate about them, but neither of us can really say with a hundred percent certainty that we're right. With regard to the quality of his administration, it isn't over yet, and we'd probably need the benefit of many years' hindsight to judge effectively. Personally, I don't think he is the worst president ever. I don't think George W. Bush was, either. But if you think otherwise, that's your prerogative. As for a U.S. president wanting the terrorists to win, it seems unlikely for a wide variety of reasons, but neither you nor I is a telepath so there's room for disagreement.

Is Barack Obama a socialist? I'd be happy to answer that, but first I'd need to know what you think the word "socialist" means. Dictionary.com says it's a person who supports "a theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole." To some degree, every modern president is a socialist, in that the government owns and controls some or all of agribusiness, the post office, the highway system, the military, and so on. Perhaps when people call the president a socialist, what they're really decrying is his attitude toward wealth, as reflected in his comments to "Joe the Plumber": "It’s not that I want to punish your success. I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they’ve got a chance for success too. My attitude is that if the economy’s good for folks from the bottom up, it’s gonna be good for everybody…I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.” Folks who have wealth and don't want to spread it around are indignant, and yes, we can have a debate about that. I would, however, remind you that if that's your definition of socialism, I can think of another famous socialist.

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor," that socialist once said (New International Version). "Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys." Yeah, whatever, hippie!

But over the last few weeks I've heard a growing argument over statements that are not simply matters of opinion. The truth about Barack Obama has been obscured, one way or the other, by statements that can be quickly proven or disproven. We've all seen the polls that say huge fractions of our country accept these statements as fact, but the public is sometimes wrong in any culture. There was a time when a huge fraction of Americans believed slavery was proper, necessary, and moral. They were wrong. So let's look at some of these widely accepted, contemporary statements and see whether they're true or not. If we disprove them, then the repetition of those statements should brand the speaker as uninformed, idiotic, or worse.

Statement #1: Barack Obama wasn't born in the U.S.

That's an easy one. Every natural born American citizen should have a birth certificate, right? Much has been made of Obama's "refusal to produce" such a document. Well, actually, he did. Here it is:

That should be enough to decide the matter, but just in case it isn't, here's the announcement of his birth in the local paper, the Honolulu Advertiser:

Furthermore, a teacher at the Honolulu prep school Obama attended remembers the obstetrician talking about the birth, which took place, say it with me, in Hawaii. That's Hawaii, America.

So we're done. No more foreigner talk. I know I'm being naive, and nothing I say will get in the way of a good story, but at least if you repeat it we'll know you're not very good at paying attention or learning and stuff.

Statement #2: Barack Obama is a Muslim.

First of all, Muslims should get to be president. So should Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, atheists, and agnostics. We cherish our Constitutionally guaranteed freedom of speech and religion, and thousands of Americans died to preserve it. Freedom of religion doesn't mean "freedom to have your religion."

But that dodges the question, doesn't it, which should be addressed head on. Barack Obama has stated many times that he is a Christian. We're told by people close to him that he prays before every meal and that a number of Christian and Jewish ministers email him suggestions and encouragement daily. But there's a simpler proof than that. Remember Reverend Jeremiah Wright? You know, "God damn America?" That wingnut. Well, that wingnut, whom Obama once revered before sermons like "God damn America" got him formally repudiated, was the pastor of the Trinity United Church of Christ.

Wait, did that just say "the Trinity United Mosque of Mohammed?" No, it did not. It said "Christ." You may not think Rev. Wright is a good Christian, and we can certainly have a discussion about that. You may not think Barack Obama is a good Christian, but a.) neither you nor I is a mind reader, and b.) it's not our place to say.

See, I know plenty of Christians who lie, fornicate, revile, hide Caesar's things from Caesar--in other words, activities specifically frowned upon in the New Testament. But when they say they're Christians, I'm obliged to take their word for it. In a polite society, we can't just yell "sinner!" or "hypocrite!" at every imperfect friend who posts a Bible verse as his or her Facebook status update.

Again, I'm no mind reader. But having read both of Obama's books, and taking into account the fact that his dad was an atheist (not a Muslim, at least not by the time Barack Jr. came along) and his mom was an agnostic with beliefs probably similar to mine, I believe he's most likely a skeptical Christian. By that I mean he embraces Christian philosophy while rejecting its mythical pseudoscience. If so, I applaud him. But what he definitely is not is a Muslim, which brings us to...

Statement #3: Barack Obama was schooled in a madrassa.

Yes. He was. That one's true.

Whaaaat?!

"Madrassa," come to find out, is just the Arabic word for "school." (There are numerous alternate English spellings. Wikipedia prefers "madrasah.") It derives from the word "derasa," which means "to study." I attended several madrassas. So did you. In Middle Eastern culture, a madrassa is just as likely to be secular as Islamic.

But let's say we're using the word to mean "Islamic school." This Sunday I heard an impassioned pitch for parents to pay an exorbitant sum to put their kids through Christian school. And why not? Those kids are probably getting at least as good an education as any kid in secular public school. So why do we assume all Islamic schools are ignorant terrorist training camps? What the hell is wrong with us? Where's our vaunted American "melting pot" inclusiveness?

So let's sink straight to rock bottom and use the word "madrassa" to mean "radical, anti-American, Islamic, brainwashing school for cute li'l suicide bombers." Did Barack Obama attend such a school?

No. He attended Basuki School in Jakarta from 1969 to 1971, but when CNN dispatched reporters to Basuki, they found only a secular grade school. "This is a public school. We don't focus on religion," the headmaster explained. "In our daily lives, we try to respect religion, but we don't give preferential treatment."

A classmate of Obama insisted, "It's not (an) Islamic school. It's general...There is a lot of Christians, Buddhists, also Confucian...So that's a mixed school."

CNN Senior International Correspondent John Vause reported, "I came here to Barack Obama's elementary school in Jakarta looking for what some are calling an Islamic madrassa...like the ones that teach hate and violence in Pakistan and Afghanistan. I've been to those madrassas in Pakistan...This school is nothing like that."

So there you go. Three statements of "fact," all disproven. Done. Period. Over. And don't get me started on the "Ground Zero mosque."

When people make up stories to pick on me, I often cheer myself up by considering the following: If I'm so bad, then why can't they just use the truth as their evidence?